Why I Try Not To Be A Helicopter Mom

I think we all think we know what kind of mom we want to be when we become pregnant. We read up all about taking care of a little one and what to look for when baby cries. We get advice from other moms as well. How to be the best parent.

We do everything we can to gather as much information as we can before our little bundle of joy shows up. We want to be prepared. Feel confident. Strong.

We say, “I am not going to let my child be like that” or ” I will never let them do this.” We have this picture in our mind of who we want to be but that sometimes changes after a couple months with the baby. We can’t control what’s going to happen. We just can’t.

What is a Helicopter Mom?

For those of you that aren’t aware of this term, this is a term given to moms who are constantly holding their child’s hand through every little thing. I mean literally. The mom who doesn’t allow their child to do alot of things by themselves. Constantly hovering.

While I know we all fall victim to this sometimes, actual helicopter moms never stop. Part of it is thanks to anxiety.

Why I Don’t Want to be That Way

Being a mom comes with a lot of unknowns. We kind of learn as we go and grow into the moms we are meant to be.

Soon after I became a mom, I realized just how hard being a mom is. It is not an easy job whatsoever. There are so many things you have to worry about, watch, and do. The list can go on forever. There were just things I learned I can’t control.

But I knew that I wanted my son to have some self-discovery as I know children learn best when they discover on their own. Of course when they are a baby there isn’t much you can let them do on their own aside from crawling and walking. (There are some exceptions depending on the age.)

While my anxiety can take over certain situations, I try not to let it affect my son’s way of thinking. But it isn’t always easy. I don’t want him to be afraid to try new things or be afraid to do things in the future because of my anxiety.

Reality Sinking In

There will always be things out there that, as moms, we just won’t be able to control. No matter how hard it will be to let go we just can’t.

Now that my son is a climbing-on-everything-in-sight toddler, I am faced with anxious situations every day.

What if today is the day he hits his head really hard? What if he falls before I can get to him? What toys can I hide today to make it less stressful? What if he gets stung by a bee when we are playing outside? What if he cups open his lip? What if he gets sick from playing with other kids? What if the other kids are mean to him? So many questions that I am sure some of you have had before, are having, or will have.

It is days filled with all those what-ifs that cause me to try to over-control everything. It only makes for an anxiety-filled day. If you know what anxiety feels like then you know it can drain you to the point of not being able to do anything. I still struggle with this sometimes.

How I need to approach it is I need to teach him the right way so one day he will learn to do it himself. By taking all of his toys away or not taking him outside will only hinder him from learning and discovering new things.

He is going to be 2 years old in just a few months and there are so many things he will be learning to do this next year. I can’t shelter him forever. While of course I will guide him, teach him what I can, and be the best mom I can be for him, I won’t let my own anxiety problems take over his life and outlook on it.

I know I don’t know everything there is to know about parenting. These next couple of years I sure will be learning alot but know I need to let him learn in his own way too. Being a helicopter mom is not something I want to be.

I know I can be the best that I can be for my kids by not letting my anxiety take over.

I am doing the best that I can and so are you. Remember that!

If anyone has any advice to share on this subject, please leave a comment below! I am always wanting to learn more from other moms and what has worked for them.

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  • Tren

    Helicopter mom’s “may” limit the children’s ability to grow into responsible adults. Although, I know most parents just have their children best interest at heart. I am a therapist, and I work with children/adolescents and their families. I have seen this backfire so many times.

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