Motherhood

Mom-Shaming: Why is it a Thing?

Becoming a mom is such a joyful, overwhelming, blissful time in our lives. We feel so much love for this tiny human being that we have been carrying 9 long months. How is that possible? We blinked so fast now we have the rest of our lives to raise them and do the best we can to give them everything they need and want.

The life of a mother is never the same across the board. Sure we can all relate to pushing through the “terrible twos”, the constant reply to all of your questions with “why”, the slamming doors from your pre-teen daughter, and the defiance from a 17 year old who thinks they don’t need you anymore.

We all have our quirks and “two sense” for how to manage these stages in our children’s lives but we all do it in our own way.

There is not ONE way to parent a child.

While we all can claim that one way of parenting is better than the other, it all comes down to your child with their needs and wants.

Not every child will respond to the “timeout chair” when they did something wrong. Not every child will respond to the “tough love” method.

As moms, we know EXACTLY what our child needs. Not the mom down the street who belittles you for doing this and that. YOU are the one who knows how to parent your child.

Be confident in your own parenting.

In today’s society, there is a constant battle to be “better than the other”. There is no “helping each other through life” mentality. It’s every man or this case woman for themselves. A constant struggle to be above one another.

“Mom-shaming” is a problem I did not become aware of until I became a mom for the first time. It is a term that describes the ridicule and judgement other mothers give towards other moms they don’t agree with.

Naturally, as humans, we think we know best when something works well for us. So we share that with the world. When moms do this, they have this idea in their head that every mom out there SHOULD be doing whatever it is they think is right.

I hate to say it but these moms are WRONG. In so many ways to be exact.

While it may “take a village to raise a child”, they only need ONE MOTHER.

I say this because I can help Sally raise her child by giving her tips on how to handle tantrums but I am not going to sit here and know her son will respond the same way mine did with these tips. I know very well that his mother knows him better than I do and maybe those tips won’t help. But I respect that she is a knowledgeable woman and knows what’s best for her child, even if I don’t agree with it.

While some of us may fall victim to this problem or maybe you weren’t aware you were doing it to someone else, start being concious of other moms around you.

They know how their child behaves, talks, responds, how to calm them, how to talk to them but you DON’T know all those things.

Respect other mothers’ decisions when it comes to their kids. Don’t try to tell them that they are “wrong” or say they will “regret” something.

Motherhood is NOT an easy job.

Motherhood is not a “one-size fits all” type of job. It is a hard, exhausting but also rewarding job. We become this person that we never imagined we could be. We are responsible for another human’s life. We do the BEST that we can to be the BEST.

We are all navigating through motherhood to the best of our abilities. Sticking together and building each other up is what will help us get through and be the BEST we can be.

I know that I don’t know everything. I know that I am NOT perfect. What I do know is that I am the BEST mother for my kids.

You are doing the BEST that you can as a mother.

This is what I remind myself of after every day when I have had a long, exhausting day. It is a great thing to say to yourself everyday.

Struggling with anxiety, I often have fears about what other moms might think but I quickly remind myself, they don’t know ME or MY KIDS.

They may have quick judgements or opinions of me because I look young and have 3 young children.

But deep down I know what is best for them and for me. And I know what works for me. I don’t want to waste my time and thoughts on what some other mom thinks of me.

They can say all they want about you, but they AREN’T your kids’ mother.

Mom-shaming is a “thing” that should have never become a “thing”. It is NOT right and it affects another mom’s life.

Respecting others decisions about parenting and knowing every mother around you is different.

Remember you are NOT alone in this journey. You are doing the BEST that you can right now.

Look at your children. They look up to you and think you are their world. Don’t let other moms talk you in to believing that you are doing something wrong (unless it is something affecting your child’s or children’s lives negatively).

There is not ONE way to be a loving, caring Mother. Stick to your instincts. Be the Mother you know your children NEED. You are the BEST you for this job.

You got this MAMA!

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4 Comments

  • Klara

    I am not a mum myself, but I feel you. Today’s society is way too judgmental about literally everything, parenting, relationships, fashion, gym goals, beliefs …. whatever it is. People tend to put unnecessary pressure on themselves and beating themselves up for no reason. You just be yourself and do things the way they work for you. You are doing great!

    • Katie

      Thank you! Yes I know I have struggled with comparing myself to others but now after 3 kids there just is no point in pleasing other people when it ultimately will hurt yourself.

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